Sam has discovered his hands in the last week, realizing that they are connected to his body and can be a source of entertainment and sucking relief. Watching him look down and study his small fingers makes me look at my own hands and admire all that they do, allowing me to function in this world. To type here in this moment. It is completely mesmerizing to watch the process of this baby discovering himself and this big world that he has entered. Each day there is a new observation, a new motion towards becoming a different little being. We had our friends Kate and Todd and their eight day old son Weston over for dinner last night. Holding this little guy felt like I was holding air compared to Sam. The sleepiness of a newborn is so dreamy, already a thing of the past in relation to Sam. How quickly time goes...each day I feel like I see Sam in a new light, as an older little boy. I am sure this transformation continues with every year that passes, with every lesson learned, with every stage of babyhood, toddler time, and teenagerdom.
Over the course of a day, I am often struck with memories of my own childhood, the soft hazy images of what it meant to be a child rolling over me as I look down at my own son. I am a mother now and it is both frightening and extremely powerful. Some days I want to run away from the responsibility, while others I can hardly stop looking at his little face, waiting for the big ear-to-ear grin that eventually comes. The smiles that make my day. The bond is like nothing I have experienced and is both tremendously terrifying as well out-of-this-world exhilarating. All I can do is take his little hand and hold it in my own and continue the journey.