The weather has been fairly gloomy all day, cold and rather grey, a bitter bite to the wind. A reflection or mirror of my mood today as well. Underneath all of my day-to-day doings are my thoughts about the tragedy at the Boston Marathon yesterday and a great sadness at the random violence that can occur. This horror has intensified by now having a child in this messy, confusing world, one that is so full of beauty and love while at the same time ugliness and hatred. It terrifies me, my mama bear instinct to hold onto Sam as tightly as possible, while knowing in my heart that that is not really possible as he grows and not actually the healthiest. We can be doing something as harmless and exhilarating as running a marathon and still not be sheltered from possible outside harm. Additionally, I think about the helpless civilians in Afghanistan who were killed recently when NATO planes flew over and bombed haphazardly, killing mostly children. Another example of an action that is devoid of humanity or a sense of oneness. We are able to make heartless decisions when we uphold a sense of division between us and them, adult blindness or ignorance or ineptitude playing out in violent ways. The bombing in Boston and the bombing in Afghanistan are the actions of cowards, unable to see the connectedness that we all share on this earth.
Scared as I am about having a son in this world, I am also so hopeful that he will bring light and love to the planet. He already does, daily. Life can be fleeting and it is yet another moment to reflect on whether or not we are following our heart and passions and dreams. I want my little boy to continue to relish each day and to practice compassion for all the differences that reside on this earth, to be curious and conscientious, full of integrity and acceptance. To begin, I must embrace these practices and characteristics in myself, serving as an example as Sam makes his way in the world.
This afternoon, in honor, I will go for a run.