I have recently been offered the opportunity to take a part time job at a local school, teaching 9th and 10th graders art a couple of times a week. It is a wonderful school, and I am sure that I would learn so much about myself and how to guide teenagers through art-making practices. But I am so on the fence about whether this is how I want to use my time away from Sam. Use my time away from Sam...it is deeply precious and not to be taken lightly. Time with a baby is such a different experience. I sometimes think about how I used my time pre-Sam and shake my head at my naive and frivolous self. I try not to spend too long dwelling, as the present is all I have now to shape and form, but it is obvious that time has recast itself in a different role that plays supporting actor to my little son. If I am not going to be with Sam I want to be doing something that feeds my soul and furthers my dreams. I have such a fortunate situation with my parents coming to help take care of Sam and it seems like a gift that needs to be taken with reverence and respect. How do I want to use that time that is just for me? Do I want to teach high schoolers art? I could get so much inspiration from them, it is true. Or do I want to work on my Community Supported Art program, my new Starters project, and a body of work that has been in my head for a little while? I would need to provide structure for myself.
It is time to take some big steps that lead me down a path. I want to get clear on what to say yes to and what to say no to. Although I can see the beauty in so many directions and have interests that run the gamut, there is such peace in saying "yes" to one opportunity and seeing where the twists and turns take you. It is time to stop turning away from my own art and making a myriad of excuses for putting myself out there and using my creative voice. As I have written before, little Sam is my guide and my inspiration for moving forward towards a more creative light.