Sam is already mesmerized by the outdoors. The blue of the giant sky and the sway of the trees in the wind. I watch him soak in the sunshine when it comes in the window in the morning. It refreshes him on our walks, as it does me. As the weather gets warmer, the layers will come off and more and more of his little body will be exposed to the fresh air. Spring is coming. Yesterday we drove up to Kelly with G-ma, G-pa and Olive to try to see the wolves that were spotted near there. We saw one through the binoculars, the big dark body blatant against the white snow, too far away to make out detail but the size and shape were right. Sam of course wasn't able to take in this regal animal, but the idea of getting to do such things with him in a couple of short years is exciting. Showing him the wonders of the natural world and teaching him to respect and revere the myriad of living things that exist is a high priority. Growing up here in JH it is inevitable, almost.
Through the foggy morning that reminded us all a bit of Maine, we saw numerous moose, a golden eagle perched on a rock and a flock of the first bluebirds to grace the valley. Although Sam slept most of the time as we drove around the sleepy town of Kelly and up into the red hills, it felt so special to be out there with him, sharing where we live despite his lack of ability to visually and sensually grasp. It makes a difference, even now. The sight of the startling splash of bluebird wings on sage brush and the powerful sweep of eagle wing through air, the steam rising off the Kelly warm springs and the fog slowly creeping its way upward to reveal more and more of the mountainsides: these are parts of Sam's history.
It feels good to write about these moments because it reminds me that they are what matter. I get lost in the redundancy of motherhood and the feeling that I am missing out on something greater (what is that!?). That somehow I am lost, when really I just have to recognize how found I truly am. I just have to look in Sam's little innocent eyes to see that truth. Getting in the car and driving into the Park this spring may be the sort of trips that save me...Remember the magic that the mountains and open lakes hold for the spirit and heart. Both yours as well as little Sam's.